If only. Those must be the two saddest words in the world.
Mercedes Lackey
Maybe, ‘If only I had’ is the saddest word in the world. You might feel that both the sentences have the same meaning but there is a slight difference. If only, depends on the situation but If only I had, hold a mirror on our face.
REGRETS
“When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled.”
Bonnie Ware
It saddens me to know that in the end of our life where our book will be closed instead of looking through the chapters which made us happy, we count on things we regret or possibly didn’t do right.
DEATHBED
There is a negative connotation associated with this word and a deep fear when we hear it. We all must have wondered that if we are in the last moment of our life,
‘What will I do?’ and I have heard many saying that I will tell that one person that I love them, I will eat my favorite meal for one last time, I will reflect on my life for the finalty.
Reflection is never a bad idea but when we start questioning our choices and forgetting the situation, that’s when things fall apart.
When I was researching and reading people’s testimonials from their deathbed, I came across a man named ‘John Pawson’ ;
“I know I am dying but my deathbed is a bed of roses.
I have no thorns planted upon my dying pillows.
Heaven is already begun!”
Whatever I’m trying to convey has been beautifully summed up by Mr. Pawson.
BRONNIE WARE
If we are discussing ‘Deathbed Regrets’, Bronnie Ware is a name we can’t escape. If you are interested in reading such topics, you have to check out her book, The Top Five Regrets Of The Dying.
Many of the books related to deaths are often written by people who are working in palliative care. This is a medical approach adapted by families to have help for the patient in the most critical conditions and often these caretakers come across deaths.
She has beautifully described the people that she has served for, ‘My patients were those who had gone home to die.’ We often think that people who serve patients who are dying are hardened to such pains but Ware has suffered from depression and successfully came out of it.
Few parts of this article have been inspired from her book so don’t miss out on the read.
There are 3 actual regrets of real people below which may change how you view tomorrow :
1. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard
I’m assuming most of us are career driven people who want to accomplish something remarkable in their lifetime and for that we need to grind ourselves.
The man/woman who was in that bed must be just like us and he acted on those instincts. I’m sure he/she must have achieved great lengths in life but it doesn’t change the fact that this was their biggest regret.
You may say, How will I accomplish if I don’t work 14 hr a day? It’s not about how much you work, It is about what you prioritize.
Work when you have to work but when someone needs you, be there. Be present for your family, remember to go on playdates with your child, take your wife on that date, spend time with your aging parents and find peace with yourself.
2. I wish I had more courage.
Scarlettohara1936 quoted some golden words in her Reddit thread, You will regret things you didn’t do more than the ones you did.
There is a good chance that most of us are feeling this way everyday because you didn’t dare enough to leave that job, you didn’t fight more for your dreams or everything is a compromise.
Surprisingly I do have a solution for that, you have to read along,
- I wish I had spent more time with my family.
This point correlates with the first one and I cannot stress enough on this point. We are weird creatures, we keep our best foot forward infront of strangers and take granted the people whom we owe our life to.
One thing about this generation is they appreciate and show affection without hesitation or a taboo attached to it. Let’s be a part of such drives and make it a point to atleast have a small conversation with your family everyday.
Make this a practice before it is too late.
I mentioned in the second point that I have a solution.
Acceptance and Forgiveness
It’s nearly impossible to lead a life without regrets, it’s our first time living so have that acceptance instead of punishing yourself.
In this lifetime there is a possibility that you have disputes and quarrels with many, some might be your own and some strangers but at the end of the day you should forgive that person and your own self.
I will use this opportunity to introduce my own debut book The Happiness Hunt.
There are detailed sections addressing many aspects of our life including acceptance, dealing with grief and many more.
By the end of the book life will seem a little easy and possible and ofcourse happy.
Conclusion
When I was researching on this topic there was a numbness I felt, so many people sharing their testimonials about their loved ones last word, about losses they faced. We all wonder if there is any way to find peace with death and the inevitability of it… Honor the dead ones and learn from their legacy.
The next time you commit a mistake, don’t be hard on yourself and let it pass. Remember that instead of drowning in regrets use it as a tool to mend yourself into a better human.
In the other world let’s not take any baggage. May you hunt your Happiness with passion!
Reference Link
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3377309/#:~:text=1
https://jamesclear.com/top-regret-dying-people
https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/the-most-common-regrets-people-have-at-the-end-of-